Friendship

I ran into an old friend Saturday night at Curt and Jen's reception. It was the first time I had seen Jeff since his wedding reception about 10 years ago. I was in Jeff's wedding as an usher, and you would have thought that we would have stayed in contact over the years, but that was not the case.

What happened? It actually is pretty simple. Jeff came to me at about 3am and 4 days before he was to be married, in tears and having a sever case of cold feet. He talked about not wanting to get married and that he wasn't sure he was making the right decision. I agreed. He hadn't known his fiance that long, and rushed things. Hell, I had only met her once before and we lived in the same town. I suggested that if he really felt like he was making a mistake that he could call off the wedding. He wouldn't have to break it off completely with his fiance (I can't even remember her name) but they could postpone the wedding, no one would care, they just wanted Jeff to be happy. He left my place still not sure what he was going to do, but it seemed to help him that we talked out his options.

I still hadn't heard from Jeff a day later and I was concerned about him and his state of mind. he had no cell phone, so I emailed him and asked him if he thought more about what we had discussed and where his head was. Well his fiance read the email intended for Jeff and shot one back to me telling me to mind my own business and worry about by own marriage and that if I didn't want them to get married then I shouldn't be in the wedding.

Well last time I checked, Jeff came to me, I didn't seek him out and try to talk him out of marrying her. He asked ME for the advice and I was just following up with him. I didn't write her back and just let it go. I went to the wedding and did the whole "smile and wave" thing. At the end of his wedding reception I told Jeff that all I ever wanted for him was to be happy, and I hoped that he was.

That is the last time I talked to him until Saturday. I ran into him walking into the Brewery, and I was the bigger man, I shook his hand, told him it was good to see him and moved on. I don't hold a grudge with how both Jeff and his wife treated me, nor will I apologize for giving advice that was asked for. Not a word from him in 10+ years. I think it is pretty clear where he stands on all of this, he obviously chose his wife over me, and I am ok with that.

If he would like to fix the friendship, all he has to do is apologize. Apologize for letting me dangle in the wind. Apologize for letting everyone think I was not behind a wedding that he himself was concerned about just 4 days before. Apologize for treating a friend that had been by his side, through the ups and downs for the 7 previous years, like a stranger. Honestly, I have moved on, forgotten about it and moved on. I hold no hard feelings although the last sentence my sound different.

So Jeff, if you ever run across this blog, and you would like to fix our friendship, it is an easy fix. If it is never fixed, that is ok too. I have had plenty of time to live without.