The other day I got a chance to play 18 holes of golf with my friend Tom. We knew they must have been running a special for Morons that afternoon cause they were all over the place.
First there was a two-some that were literally RUNNING to jump on the tee box in front of us so they could get off before we did. These 2 idiots are trying to catch up to the group in front of them, not so they can make a four-some, but so they can make a five-some . . . nothing like sitting behind 5 bad players all afternoon.
Then we were teeing off on #4, which is a long par 5 down a hill that runs parallel with #2 that goes up the same hill. I hit my drive out in the middle of the fairway and it rolls slightly into the rough to the right, between the #4 and #2. Tom hits his to the left so when we get to the fairway, he takes the cart and stays with his ball and I go look for mine. On problem, I can’t find it. Now I hate to lose balls anyway (especially if they are new like this one was) and I especially hate when I lose them in plain sight. Well coming up #2 was a two-some and they kept looking at me while I was looking for my ball and getting more disgusted by the minute. Tom hit (as the five-some cleared the green) and we both looked. Tom says, “I bet one of those guys picked up your ball.” I knew he was right, it had to be. So I jumped in the cart and flagged them down.
“Did you find a ball back there?” I asked the stupid redneck (he was a redneck cause he swiped my ball) with an orange t-shirt on.
“Yea, was it a Calloway?”
“Yes it is, did you pick it up?” Now I am getting disgusted, as I realize they did take it, watched me search for it, and still neglected to say anything.
He calls up to his equally redneckish buddy on the green who has my pilfered ball in his pocket, “Hey, that’s his ball. Throw it down.” So the guy chucks it down to me while his orange t-shirt wearing friend tries to explain.
“We found it back there on top of the hill.” I look at him with no expression just staring through him.
“We didn’t see anyone around.” This is the wrong answer.
“That’s because I was STILL ON THE TEE BOX!” At this point I knew I needed to get in the cart and drive away, cause the next step in this discussion was going to be me playing my 3 iron off his head.
As I drove away I heard . . . faintly, “Sorry.” Yea right, moron.
Next we catch up the five-some in front of us, just before they tee off on #6, do they let us play through? Nope. Morons.
Last thing, we were playing this short par 4 (#8) and we are just off the green and this ball lands not more than 15 yards from me, on the green, as I am lining up a putt. Tom runs to the front of the green in aggravated and throws his arms up in the air. The guy waves sorry then when they reach the green he apologizes to both of us. Now the problem I have is that he is obviously going for the green in one. So why not wait to make sure we are out of the way? Seriously, just wait even if you think the possibility is there of hitting us and go when we are done.
I also saw a guy playing without a shirt, a empty beer can thrown over the side of the hill next to the green, and so many diviots not replaced that you could have thought they were aerating the course.
(you would have thought all of this would have distracted me but I went 42-42 for an 84, I will take 5 strokes off for all I had to deal with and walk away with a 79. Sounds fair right?)
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