Guru too?

I was goofing around on the internet today, reading stories on ESPN.com and I came across Jason Whitlock’s (for lack of a better word) column.

Now I am not a big Whitlock fan, but something in the teaser on the page before caught my attention and made me click, and I did.

So I get to the piece of crap, uhm excuse me, column, and I skim. Looking for anything Steeler related, and of course there is nothing from this Kansas City apologist anywhere in his dumpster of words, eh hem . . . I mean column. So I scroll back to the top and I see ole J.W.’s photo with name, and his title, and that title, then and there, prompted me to open up my word app and write this.

“Jason Whitlock, NFL Guru”

Eh-hem. Excuse me? NFL Guru? You are kidding right? Guru? Dictionary please!

Guru (gu•ru) n
1. in Hinduism and Sikhism, a religious leader or teacher
2. a spiritual leader of or intellectual guide for a religious group or movement especially one being described as non-mainstream
3. somebody who is prominent and influential in a specific field and sets a trend or starts a movement
4. a teacher or counselor in spiritual or intellectual matters who is especially revered and followed by an individual

Ok, so I know that the NFL to a lot of people might be a religious sect. But come on!

Jason Whitlock a guru? The spiritual leader and intellectual guide of the NFL? Really? I mean I have seen guys pray at the end of a game, but I had no idea that they were being led by Jason Whitlock, NFL Guru.

Ok if you don’t buy that then is he prominent and influential in the NFL and has started a trend or movement? Did he start the gold teeth? How about the pre-game dances? What about the do rags under the helmets? No?

Then he must be a teacher or counselor in spiritual or intellectual matters right? Ever read his septic tank of words . . . eh hem I mean column? Nothing intellectual there.

A Google search reveals that Whitlock is not the only NFL Guru out there. Javier Rodriguez at The Observer, The Student Newspaper of Case Western Reserve University, is also an NFL Guru in training apparently, along with Peter King from Sports Illustrated, and whoa Chris Mortensen also of ESPN. They must have had 2 openings for Guru at the Worldwide Leader. Charlie Weis was a former NFL Guru. Mike Godsey from godspicks.com, which I am not sure if he is a guru or god, or both, and Sun-Times columnist Mike Preston.

Now I certainly don’t want to be around when all of these guru’s try to figure out who is the go-to-guru.

I just want to know where you can go to school for this? I mean is there a Guru U. out there where you can major in Guru-ing? Where I can be “Ryan Zundell, NFL Guru too,” if I wanted? Seems like a nice job if you can get it. Only one better might be Bracketologist.